The Things I Do That Drive Him Wild…Or Crazy.

….Not that way you cheeky little perves you.

These are more of the things I do that drive him crazy. He says drives him crazy in the “annoying” way but I pretend like he means “damn babe, you drive me crazy!” (hubba hubba).

Yeah, I gots’ some quirks. I like to think that they make him love me more. I think he just puts up with it, or better yet, I think he has fine-tuned the art of “tuning me out.”

1. I sing-song 50% of the things I do.
“I am going to the grocery store, buying all the food, so we can stuff our face, hey hey hey!…”
“I am doing the dishes, cleaning all the things, spoons from in your mouth, ew ew, and ew…”

And sometimes I just say regular things in a sing-song way.
“This is my brown dog, she is really soft, I like to pet her ears, she takes really big poops…”
“I saw a really big bug, it was really nasty, made me want to puke…”

No rhyme, no reason, it’s just what I do.

Yes, awesome. Maybe someday I will make a Vlog for you guys. (Not really)

2. I jump out from behind things. A LOT.
He finally stopped getting mad at me about this and realized that I HATE when people jump out and scare me so he just does it back to me now (which in turn, is not as fun when I do it to him, knowing he will get me back).

Lately I have turned my sights on brown dog, she’s more fun because she suffers from small brain syndrome and forgets that I scared her from behind the same door 5 minutes earlier. It’s almost too easy.

3. “Brown hair, DONT care!”
This is a new one.

Last week he came to relax on the couch like he always does and me and brown dog were sprawled out on the couch, no room for him, and we werent moving. He whined. And I just told him “brown hair, dont care.”

So now, I pretty much say it at any opportunity I can. I love that it extra-applies to Kona also, since she does in fact, have brown hair as well. So when he yells at her, I just tell him “brown hair, dont care.”

4. I hide his candy bars.
This actually backfires on me. A lot. But it still deserves mentioning.
He is a chocolate addict. Hardcore. To be specific, Dove Milk Chocolate bars. When I go grocery shopping I only buy like 10 of them. And then I will leave like 2 out, and hide the rest in various places and the next morning after hes gone for work, I will set 2 more out for him for that night. Basically forcing him to ration them. I mean if he sees that there are 6 sitting out, he will eat all 6 in one night (I wish I were kidding).

Obviously at this point, he knows that I have some stashed. So sometimes in the middle of the night when he is on a binge, he gets all crazy and HAS to have them and he will actually wake me up. Which pisses me off. I know he is desperate at this point because I am a mean ol’ bitch when I get woken up, so he is definitely taking a risk. And usually because I am so pissed and I know he is desperate at that point and wont leave me alone,  I will tell him where to find a bar or 2 (which is also a pain because then in the future I cant hide stuff there). Yes, I am a chocolate enabler.

But seriously, I ran out of places in the kitchen to hide them, I’ve now moved onto other rooms of the house.

5. I throw everything away.
I am like the opposite of a hoarder. To a fault though, I hate anything extra, and he is sort of sentimental and holds onto things.

If he sets something on the counter that looks like trash, its getting thrown away. If I’m not sure if it’s trash, it gets thrown in a drawer (and I forget about it…oops).

You know why?
Cuz brown hair, dont care.

6. I snore. Loudly.
I have some major allergies (especially right now) which means I basically cant breathe through my nose whatsoever. Seriously, I dont know that this needs any further explanation. I especially hate that he wakes me up when my snoring gets bad. He wakes me up all frantic and I shoot up like the house is on fire and then hes like “BABE you were snoring so loud.” I mean seriously, you woke me up for that? Just kick me or something until I stop.

6. I take forever to tell stories.
This one drives him the most crazy.
Hey, I like to talk. Sometimes I get going and then I feel the need for a back story.
….And then I get done with the backstory and go back to my regular story
….and then I sort of forget… but I keep going, and then I repeat myself.. and then..
….well you get it.

7. Related to the last one, I also make awesome jokes.
Yes, you guessed it, I am equally as awesome at telling jokes. Good thing I’m more of a punny person, or I’m good for some awesome one liners.

Well, I think they’re awesome, he doesnt always agree. I will laugh at myself for like 5 minutes.

I like to think he agrees they are hilarious but that he is just intimidated by my sense of humor.

You’re welcome Torrance.

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• Give me one of your quirks that your significant other/roommate/friend(s)/etc just love about you.